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  • 雨枫轩原创文学网 - 纯净的绿色文学家园 !

    雨枫轩

    活得像凡·高的向日葵

    时间:2017-06-27来源:网友提供 作者:庄庆鸿 点击:
    活得像凡·高的向日葵
     
      2011年的一个冬夜,我狂奔过日本东京繁华的新宿街头,寻找一个名字奇怪的私人美术馆,只为一幅画。
      找到这家东京安田火灾东乡青儿美术馆时,只剩闭馆前的最后30分钟。满头大汗的我急切地寻找,终于看到那被一幅大画独占的墙壁。
     
      这座美术馆藏有凡·高现存的7幅《向日葵》真迹之一,作于1888年。对很多人而言,来看它是一种朝拜。
     
      我屏住呼吸走近它,轻轻在它面前坐了下来。隔着玻璃,金黄的花瓣张牙舞爪,像我的老朋友。
     
      刚进大学时,经历过“中国式教育”的我,只希望以后能赚钱,越多越好。我知道怎么分析段意,怎么写历史主观问答题能拿高分,却不知道未来的生活在哪里。直到我真正遇到凡·高先生。
     
      大二的一个晚上,在清华老图书馆鲜有人到的顶楼,放映了一部凡·高的传记影片。
     
      那是一个魔法时刻。片中都是景物——凡·高眼中的欧洲街道、乡村原野。全片都没有出现凡·高本人,只是在画外音中念着他写给弟弟的几百封信。
     
      坐在银幕前,那是我第一次听这个画家说话:“亲爱的提奥,从我的窗口看造船所的景象,真是漂亮极了。白杨林中有一条小径,白杨的苗条树身带着纤细的枝蔓,以优美的姿势,出现于灰色的傍晚天空之上。水中间是一座古老的仓库,寂静得好像以赛亚书里‘古老池塘中不流动的水’……”
     
      在我的家乡,大人口中羡慕的成功者,都是哪家企业的老总、哪个部门的领导、哪所大学的教授。我和我的很多同学虽然不喜欢,也只知道这种活法。但是,凡·高完全不一样。
     
      看完影片,当我走出老图书馆,迈下石头阶梯时,夜空中飘起点点小雨。忽然间,图书馆周围的所有树木都在发出自己的声音,而我能听见了。世界顿时变大了。凡·高就在空气中,
     
      他问我:“你知道自己这辈子想做什么吗?你知道怎样才是不辜负生命吗?”
     
      我骑车到学校超市的花摊,那里没有向日葵,却有4种颜色的非洲菊,金黄、肉桂红、粉红和大红。我带回寝室去,送给室友每人一朵。它们都被插在书桌前,怒放了好一阵子。
     
      后来我看了凡·高的书信集,才知道,他也是一个普通人,原来也可以平凡地挣钱度过一生。
     
      他出生于荷兰乡村,早年做过职员和商行经纪人,还当过传教士。但这个艺术门外汉决心,“在绘画中与自己苦斗”。
     
      他拼命练粗糙的笔,练眼睛,练某种忠诚。到最后他越来越依赖艺术对艰难生活的净化,所以越来越多地采用纯粹的明黄。那是最丰盛、最纯净、最透亮的阳光,好像可以净化所有的苦。
     
      大学毕业时,我放弃了一个离家近且多金的工作,留在了北方。同寝室的婧婍做了一个令所有人都惊讶的决定:一句瑞典语也不会的她,孤身到瑞典念大学。不是斯德哥尔摩,那个地名我们之前谁都没听过,叫乌普萨拉。
     
      那年后,“毕业后旅行一年”“辞职去旅行”的同龄人越来越多了,新名词“间隔年”也慢慢被社会接受。网络上一些年轻人讨论的未来也不再是升官发财,更多的是怎么“趁年轻追点梦”,让自己不后悔。
     
      我们愿意过一种火焰燃烧般的生活。我想,没有凡·高,我们不会这么勇敢,爱生活,爱尝试。
     
      之后一晃两年,我不时收到寄自法兰克福、柏林、马德里的明信片。我知道婧婍背着包几乎走遍了欧洲,甚至,她还到了北极圈内。利用“沙发冲浪”的社交网络预约,她凭诚信睡过很多陌生人的沙发,和不同语言、肤色的朋友们萍水相逢,把酒言欢。在马德里参加项目时,宿舍窗外就是湛蓝的海,她可以跳下去游一圈再上来吃早饭。
     
      我也没落后于她。我独自去过了国内20多个省的44个市,不少是农村和山区。每到一个城市,我不会去名胜景点,而是会在寻常人家的巷子里遛遛弯,抬头望炊烟,低头看落花。
     
      安徽的田埂、台州的公路、贵州的山沟,我都在“摩的”后座上风驰电掣地经过。2011年夜进云南发生矿难的山村,紧张地把黑车的车号发短信给主编。2012年12月进大凉山,10个小时被颠得内脏挪位。穿越寒风和暗夜的旅途,是令生命满意的活法。
     
      我们也都会疲惫。凡·高在信里承认:“我快40岁了。对于情况的变化,我确实什么也不知道……我的作品是冒着生命危险画的,我的理智已经垮掉了一半。”
     
      1890年,当凡·高离开这个世界时,他37岁。生命虽然短暂,但他做到的事如此伟大。请容我引用一句泛滥的泰戈尔诗句,“生如夏花”。
     
      凡·高在信里说:“如果生活中没有某些无限的、深刻的、真实的东西,我就不会留恋生活。”
     
      而当年手拿非洲菊的4个姑娘,已经分散到四大洲。我在北京,时常奔波赶往一些匪夷所思的地方。婧婍在瑞典,刚换了新工作。和我的床相连的何婧飞去了世界另一端的巴西利亚高原,睡对角线的曼桐还在繁华的纽约奋斗。
     
      2011年11月17日,我在怒放的向日葵面前静静地望了30分钟,直到微笑的白发馆员用日语招呼我离开。本以为见到真迹会激动得流泪,但我最后只是回头笑了一笑。
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