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  • 雨枫轩原创文学网 - 纯净的绿色文学家园 !

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    蛋铺里的安娜

    时间:2019-09-27来源:网友提供 作者:严歌苓 点击:
    蛋铺里的安娜

     
       1993年年初,我回到芝加哥,打算把修了一半的艺术硕士课程修完。朋友托朋友,我找到一处房租低廉的居室。据说它最令人羡慕的好处是,方圆一英里之内,有地铁,有家“九毛九”百货店和一个“Egg Store”(蛋铺)——芝加哥的中国留学生没有不知道这个著名的食品减价商场的。它分布在各个贫民住宅区,如同一个个食物急救站,能及时扑灭周围的饥饿。为什么给它取名“Egg Store”,我一直没考证出来。有人说它的缘起是专卖鸡蛋的小铺。因为鸡蛋是美国最便宜的食品之一,所以在它拓展成今天这样庞大的连锁廉价食品店时,仍沿用鸡蛋作为它物美价廉的象征。还有就是从复活节来的那层寓意:鸡蛋是复活节的主食,只要有鸡蛋的地方就有生命之孵化,就有生命之起死回生。因此,鸡蛋象征的是生命之早春。我比较赞同对“Egg Store”的后一种注解。应把这个“蛋铺”改成“生命之春”食品商场——Spring of Life:有生命弹跃而起之意,也有生命如泉喷涌之意。
     
      那天,我走到蛋铺奶制品柜台时,发现一个瘦小的老太太坐在两大桶牛奶边上。蛋铺里充满喜洋洋的各国语言,若不留心,绝不会听见老人细弱的呻吟。她几乎是整个店铺中唯一的白人面孔。美国人但凡有体面的收入,是不会来这里和各种肤色的移民一起打捞食物渣滓的。我还没走上前,就感觉有一股奇特的气味从老妪身上泛起。
     
      我问老太太哪里不适,她哼哼着说:“我的脊梁要杀死我了!”我必须完全蹲得与她一样低才听得见她的话。我试着去拉她的手,她把那只手从我手里缩回,给了我另一只手,因为头一只手的手心里有几枚硬币。她像一截定了型的老藤一样,让我一点点抻直,眼看要直了,她尖利地惨叫一声,又缩回原来的形状。她身边搁着一个手推车,是专为老年人购物所设计的那种,只是它也老得如她一样变了形。
     
      我把两大桶牛奶放到手推车上。从她婴儿一样尖细的期期艾艾中,我弄明白了,她在这儿等了一个多小时了,就是想把脊背的疼痛挨过去,再把两桶牛奶搬上车。我左手推着她的车,右手环过她的背,插在她的右腋下,等于将她的体重全挂在我的右臂上。我感到她整个人不比那两桶牛奶重多少。我问她还需要买别的什么,她说不需要了,两桶牛奶足够她和她的家人一周的生活了。我差点问:一周七天光靠牛奶?但我及时闭了嘴。在美国,是可以把悲惨当某种怪癖来理解的。而把悲惨当作怪癖来尊重,也就等于尊重个性,尊重个人对生活方式及自我信仰的自主权。
     
      我问老太太家住哪里,她说只有3个街口之遥。我决定把她交给她的家人。根据我对医学的无知,我断定老太太一定有脊椎错位之类的病症。她根本已瘫痪在我的右臂上。经过付款过道时,她将手里的硬币给收银员。款数刚好,显然她预先做了计算,也预先打算好除这两桶牛奶绝对不买任何其他食物。蛋铺的牛奶便宜得像自来水。
     
      我们走到马路上,那股奇特的气味我现在已知道了——是股类似动物园的气味。老太太告诉我她叫安娜。我发现安娜的衣着是20世纪60年代的风格,是件大致为黄色的灰外套,或说是大致成了灰色的黄外套。安娜极清瘦,衣服也过于单薄,因而她那几乎弯成“S”形的脊柱,清晰地显现在她的背上。假如把她整个人抹平直,她不见得比我矮多少。我问起她的家庭。她说:“是啊,我有个大家庭等着我去喂呢。”我纳闷竟没有一个比她健壮点的晚辈来承担这采购任务。她像读懂我的心思似的,解释说:“我有两个儿子,在朝鲜战争时上前线了,都没回来。至少我不知道他们有没有回来。”
     
      我说:“您一定弄错了,不是朝鲜战争,一定是越战吧?”
     
      她说:“我没弄错,是朝鲜战争。越战的时候,我一个儿子也没有了。”
     
      我心里暗暗大吃一惊:安娜得有八十多岁了。虽然她勉勉强强算是活着,但毕竟有这把孱弱的阳寿。再瞅她的面容,不知何处使她看上去像个婴孩,残缺不全却幼稚无邪,头上稀疏柔软的黄白绒毛在无风的空气里浮动。我很难启齿地又问:“那您丈夫呢?”安娜说:“他已经去世20年了。”
     
      这时,我们已走过第二个街口。我由于不小的体力支出而浑身有了汗。安娜指指前面说:“看,那就是我们的家。”
     
      她手指的地方,有一大片灰蒙蒙的鸽子,你挤我我挤你地发出打嗝似的低音。我留意她说“我们的家”,心里觉得有些宽慰。
     
      3个街口,我和安娜竟走了四十多分钟。其中安娜不断请求我停一停,因为一阵剧痛又朝她的脊梁袭来。疼痛使她蜷曲、扭歪,原已变形的身躯更加走样。我也已筋疲力尽了。总算听到她说:“就这里。”
     
      那是一排店铺式的房子,大部分倒闭了,关着门,陈列橱窗玻璃上被涂鸦,贴着招租、卜卦、文身广告和逃犯通缉告示。那一大群鸽子见了安娜,一齐“呼啦啦”振翅起飞,轰炸机似的朝我们冲过来。我感到扑面而来的是带着腥膻体温的一片肮脏固体。我闭眼屏气,躲着那羽毛间夹尘土的风。安娜的嗓音更加细弱温存:“我的天使们!”
     
      她请我把牛奶倒在路边一个破玻璃盆里。她说:“抱歉了,就只有牛奶了。”等我照她吩咐完成了对鸽子的服务,抬起头立刻怔了——她那间店铺房的陈列窗里一下子挤满了大大小小的猫,大概有二十多只,全都像安娜一样细瘦,只是眼神都直勾勾的,晶亮,被饥饿点燃着。我这才明白安娜所说的“家庭”。
     
      我不敢走进安娜的这个家庭。从敞开的门窥入,里面是一目了然的赤贫。有张床垫,有个冰箱,没有浴室和厕所,也没有炊事可为。我只把两大桶牛奶给她提到门内,大半个身体坚定地留在门外。但我还想为这个已进入末日的孤独老人做点什么。她蹲着身挨进门,她身上的气味马上融入屋里暖暖的生物气息。猫竟比安娜要干净些,也多些优越感。我迅速撕下一页纸片,写了我的电话号码,递给安娜:“如果有什么事——比如你的背痛要杀死你,你起不来去买牛奶,就给我打个电话。我住得很近。”
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