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  • 雨枫轩原创文学网 - 纯净的绿色文学家园 !

    雨枫轩

    活着之上

    时间:2019-09-29来源:网友提供 作者:阎真 点击:
    活着之上

     
      那一年,我考上了历史学博士,乘火车去北京上学。天气很热,我把车窗打开,让风吹进来。在我对面的是一位头发花白的长者,他说:“我们把铺位换一下行吗?一大把年纪了,禁不起风吹。”能换到迎风的那一边去,正合我的心意。他把东西搬过来时,我发现他的枕头边有两本《石头记》,跟我之前看过的版本不一样,开本要大很多。换好铺位后,我说:“小时候,我家里也有两本《石头记》,没这么大。”他说:“这是影印本。”我说:“《石头记》就是《红楼梦》,这我知道。这本书为什么会有两个名字?”他说:“《红楼梦》在曹雪芹手中就叫《石头记》,《红楼梦》这个书名是曹雪芹死后由别人改的,大家都接受了。”
     
      长者姓赵,是美国威斯康星大学研究精密仪器的教授。他一辈子最大的兴趣,不是精密仪器,而是《红楼梦》。他业余研究《红楼梦》已经三十多年,3年前退休后,就成为专业研究者了。谈起《红楼梦》,他来了兴致,连声说:“伟大,真的伟大呢!”并一次次把拇指竖起来。我不敢接话,因为自己才看过一遍《红楼梦》,也就记得宝玉、黛玉等几个人。他见我不接话,就不说了。
     
      第二天中午到了北京。下车前他送我一本书,是他写的《红楼梦新探》。我翻了一下目录,似乎是一本考据学著作。
     
      我到学校的时间比较早,离报到还有好几天。闲得无聊,我买了辆单车去故宫、颐和园玩,这天早上又上了西山。
     
      下午4点我从西山下来,觉得口渴难耐,前面是看不到尽头的大路,我左拐上了一条小路,进了一个村庄,在小卖部买了瓶水,仰头一口气喝完了。喝完水,我看见旁边一个人也在买水,侧影有点熟,原来是赵教授。我叫了他一声,他认出了我,惊讶地说:“你也来这里了!”我说:“我从西山下来,找口水喝。”他的情绪收回去一点,说:“我以为你也是来这里拜谒呢。”“拜谒”这个词让我感到意外。他看出我的疑惑,说:“这就是曹雪芹当年写《石头记》的地方——门头村。曹雪芹仙逝以后也被葬在这里,就在这附近。”
     
      曹雪芹以前在我心里只是个名字,现在猛地鲜活起来。我说:“您是来看曹雪芹墓的吗?有故居吗?有墓吗?我想去磕三个头。”赵教授叹气说:“墓?没有。故居?也没有。连身世都可以说没有。他在西山脚下生活了几年?有说4年的,也有说10年的,所以说身世都没有。离你我才两百多年啊,都飘逝了。”沉默了一会儿,他又说:“他当年写作的那间茅草房,山村柴扉,满径蓬蒿,离这里应该不会超过500米,”他踩一踩脚下的地,“葬身之地也不会超过500米。我也没有依据,没有任何线索考证,我就这样觉得。我每次回国都要到这里来,这已经是第7次了。什么时候能发掘出一块小小的墓碑,那就是圣地了。”他连连叹气,“唉,唉,他太穷了,连一块碑也打不起。康乾盛世时期的一代天才,就是这样穷死的。”我心中有些沉重,说:“如果曹雪芹确实被葬在这里,那没有墓碑也是圣地。”又说:“这么伟大的人,怎么就没有人给他打块碑呢?”赵教授说:“由此可知他当年困窘到什么地步。”
     
      赵教授把我带到村头一棵槐树下,抚着树干,像抚摸一个孩子,说:“这棵老槐树,4年前我专门从植物园请了专家来看,据说有300年的树龄了,我相信曹雪芹是看见过它的。现在到处搞开发,这棵老槐树,我想保住它,去海淀区园林局说了这件事,人家说,可以啊,你说它跟曹雪芹有关,证据呢?曹雪芹一辈子怎么活过来的都没有证据,我怎么能拿得出这槐树的证据?这也许就是与曹雪芹有关的最后一个遗迹,也保不住了。”
     
      他请我在村边小店吃饭。坐下了,他对店主说:“拿瓶二锅头来。”又望着我说:“曹雪芹当年也是爱喝酒的,嗜酒如狂。”我说:“陪您喝一杯。”喝着酒他说:“我一辈子的愿望就是想搞清几个问题,曹雪芹到底出生在哪年?有说1715年的,那是康熙五十四年,也有说1724年的,那是雍正二年。他家在1728年正月被抄,那是有历史记载的。1724年?那抄家时他才三四岁,大观园里的锦衣玉食他怎么可能经历?没经历能写得出吗?能虚构出一个贾宝玉,还能虚构出那一大群女孩子?1715年?那抄家时他最多只有13岁,也不可能有那么丰富细致的爱情体验吧!除了天才,真的就没有别的解释了。还有,他的父亲到底是谁?再就是,曹雪芹是哪年来到西山脚下,哪年去世的?《石头记》的大批评家脂砚斋是男是女,跟曹雪芹是什么关系?八十回以后还有多少回,曹雪芹到底写完没有?这些问题困扰我几十年了,可能永远不会有答案了。”
     
      他跟我碰一碰杯,说:“与尔同销万古愁。”我说:“实在搞不清就算了,搞清了又有什么用呢?”他说:“搞清有什么用?你是历史学博士,你懂的。”我有点惭愧地说:“是的,是的。”他说:“曹雪芹,如果人们对他的身世一无所知,他就成了一个符号。这太对不起他了,这是天大的委屈。我一辈子的努力就是想让他鲜活起来,如果落空了,就太对不起他了。你看苏东坡一生多么鲜活啊!一个人,他写了这么一部伟大著作,为什么就不愿留下一份简历?这让我有点儿抱怨他,还有他身边的那几个朋友,为什么在他仙逝以后也不为他留下一份简历?为了这个我心痛几十年了。我一辈子的理想就是能成为一个见证者,一个伟大的天才不能无人见证。”
     
      从小店出来,我问赵教授怎么回去。他说:“我是不是该在这里待一晚?我来这么多次了,从没待过一晚。这是我的一个心愿,我也想感受一下雪芹当年在这月光下的心情。老了,身体慢慢不行了。这个愿望以后怕实现不了了。”交换了联系方式后,我跟他握手道别,黑暗中我发现他的眼角有泪在微光中闪动。
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