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  • 雨楓軒原創文學網 - 純凈的綠色文學家園 !

    雨楓軒

    愛情合伙人

    時間:2019-10-04來源:網友提供 作者:李筱懿 點擊:
     
    愛情合伙人

     
       幾年前,一位女性朋友結婚,在婚禮前的單身派對上,她眼中閃耀著無限憧憬的光芒對大家說:“終于找到了我寧愿放棄全世界也要和他在一起的男人。”在場的朋友都為她的話感動,覺得她真的遇見了對的人,可是,我心里卻“咯噔”一下,總感到哪兒不對勁。
     
      事實證明,她的愛情確實是一個放棄全世界的過程:
     
      丈夫不喜歡她在工作上投入太多精力,她便申請了閑差,安心做個以家庭為中心的女子;丈夫不愿意家里有其他人,她便放棄保姆和家人的援助,在女兒出生后當了相夫教女的全職太太;丈夫不喜歡她身邊那些精氣神特別足的女性朋友,擔心她被她們帶得心野了,她便慢慢逐一失聯,把自己小世界的領地越縮越小,直到電話本里只剩下不到20個名字。她第一次覺得自己的世界縮小得難以為繼,是丈夫用電子郵箱發來一份清單,這份家庭賬單涵蓋了衣食住行各個方面的開銷,一切都在向她無聲示意:我為這個家花了多少錢。
     
      她哭著對我說:“我為他放棄了全世界,為什么卻得不到他的世界呢?”
     
      我也終于想明白了當年心里“咯噔”的原因:一個真正愛你的人,不會要求你為他放棄全世界;而一個你放棄全世界之后才能得到的人,根本不是愛人,而是自私的要求者,好的愛情,彼此是對方的合伙人。
     
      作為愛情合伙人,我們首先平等而自由,不會要求對方為自己改變和放棄什么,我們最先想到的是,能夠為對方提供什么;我們在一起彼此都變得更加進取和美好,1+1>2,共同分享著愛情的收益和紅利;我們把感情折算成股份,不是因為要確定誰多誰少、誰輸誰贏,而是為了發揮彼此的優勢和特點,在生活中共贏,把日子過得越來越開闊,最終“上市”——走向婚姻。
     
      曾經,我們討論為什么林徽因最終嫁給了梁思成而不是徐志摩,現在看來,在漫長的人生中,梁思成和林徽因才是最合適的愛情合伙人。
     
      林女神自戀,常常夜晚寫詩,還要點一炷香,擺一瓶花,穿一件白綢睡袍,面對庭院中的滿池荷葉,在清風飄飄里吟詠。梁思成不僅忍了,還用一周時間雕刻、鑄模、翻砂,做了面銅鏡,鐫刻“林徽因自鑒之用民國十七年元旦思成自鐫并鑄喻其晶瑩不玨也”,對她登峰造極的孤芳自賞,他既沒有打擊也沒有夸贊,而是與她一唱一和。
     
      梁思成有點死板有余、變通不足的書呆子氣,愛國心和事業心都特別強。戰亂中林徽因就拖著病弱的身體隨著他逃亡,她一星期來往4次走將近十公里路去云南大學教英文補習班,一個月掙40元法幣貼補家用?墒,梁思成測量古建筑的皮尺丟了,她便瞞著他,毫不猶豫地在黑市花23元高價另買了一條送他。她的愛和體諒不僅僅在客廳里,也在顛沛流離的路上。
     
      逃難時,為了方便林徽因治病,梁思成學會了輸液打針,不厭其煩地把醫療器皿用蒸鍋消毒,然后一絲不茍地分置各處。為了讓她暖和點,他經常親自侍弄火爐,生怕別人一不小心弄熄了火。他的關心從來不是嘴上功夫,而是實實在在的體貼。
     
      在李莊,不擅長家務的林徽因患有肺結核,喂雞、帶孩子、縫衣服,雖然縫縫補補對她來說,“比寫一整章關于宋、遼、金的建筑變遷的文章,或者描繪宋朝都城還要費勁得多”,但是,她愿意把更多研究學術的時間讓給丈夫,這是她對丈夫最有力的支持。
     
      兩人的女兒梁再冰說:“我的父母是長期的合作者,這種合作基于他們共同的理念,和他們對事業的獻身精神。”
     
      沒錯,這就是最合適的愛情合伙人,就像夢露說的,“如果你無法接受我最壞的一面,也不配擁有我最好的一面”,而他們,都坦然接受了對方最好和最壞的那一面,并不要求對方違心拗成自己喜歡的造型。
     
      于是,當我們看到兩個人戀愛成功并相互選擇,大多意味著,他們學會了適應彼此。
     
      當男男女女都對愛情失望,實際上,錯誤的不是愛情,而是沒有找對愛情合伙人。
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