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  • 雨楓軒原創文學網 - 純凈的綠色文學家園 !

    雨楓軒

    你為什么在乎別人怎么想

    時間:2019-09-07來源:網友提供 作者:理查德·費曼 點擊:
    你為什么在乎別人怎么想

     
     。ㄒ唬
     
      我第一次和艾琳說話是在中學時期的一次舞會上。她太受歡迎了,所有人都想跟她跳舞。我琢磨著什么時候能插隊進去。你們可要知道我那時是什么樣的:非常害羞,總擔心自己表現得太膽小。就這樣遲疑躊躇了半天,我終于得償所愿,但我們只跳了幾分鐘,很快又有別人插隊進來了。
     
      有一次,艾琳邀請我去她家。當我到她家的時候,艾琳正在為她的哲學課作業發愁。她說:“我們的老師總是提醒我們,任何事物都像紙張一樣,有正反兩面。”
     
      “你們老師的這句話本身也有兩面。”我說。
     
      “什么意思?”
     
      我在百科全書上讀到過“莫比烏斯環”。那時,莫比烏斯環并非人人皆知,但是很好理解。我拿出一張紙條,扭了半圈后將兩頭接上,做成了一個環。艾琳看到后很興奮。
     
      第二天的課堂上,艾琳就等著老師說那句話。果然,老師拿起一張紙說:“任何問題都像紙一樣,有正反兩面。”這時艾琳拿出手中用紙條扭成的莫比烏斯環說:“老師,您的這句話也有正反兩面——我這里就有一張只有一面的紙!”老師和全班同學都很驚訝,艾琳頗有成就感地展示了莫比烏斯環。我覺得,自那以后,她開始對我另眼相看。不久,我們確立了戀愛關系。
     
      中學畢業后,我去了麻省理工學院,之后又去了普林斯頓大學,每逢假期我都回家見艾琳。有一次,我去看她,她的頸部鼓起一個腫塊,腫塊不斷變大變小,醫生說問題似乎出在淋巴系統。經過反復討論,最后,醫院的一個醫生告訴我們,艾琳極有可能患了何杰金氏病。他說:“病情可能會出現反復,逐漸變糟,F在還沒有辦法根治,艾琳大概還能再活兩三年。”
     
      面對如此大的磨難,艾琳卻表現得很冷靜,竟然很快考慮起了下一個問題。“好吧,”她說,“我得了何杰金氏病,那我們接下來該怎么辦?”我想,雖然博士還未畢業,但我已經在貝爾實驗室謀得一份研究工作。我們可以在紐約皇后區租一套小公寓,離醫院和貝爾實驗室都不遠。我們可以在紐約結婚。那天下午我們把一切都計劃好了。
     
      有了新計劃后,艾琳去醫院對脖子上的腫塊做了活體組織檢查,以充分確認病情。幾天后,艾琳打來電話:“化驗報告出來了。診斷結果是,淋巴結核。”艾琳還說:“這樣我也許能活7年,可能還會好轉。”自那以后我們知道,我們能一起面對任何事情。經歷了這件事后,一切問題都難不倒我們。
     
     。ǘ
     
      “二戰”爆發后,我受聘加入了“曼哈頓計劃”,同時繼續攻讀博士學位。幾個月之后,一拿到學位我就跟家人宣布,我要結婚。
     
      我們在普林斯頓邊上的狄克斯堡找到一家慈善醫院,我在普林斯頓的時候,艾琳可以在那兒就診。
     
      我們決定在去醫院的路上結婚。我借了一輛車,把后座放倒,加了一個床墊,改造成救護車那樣,這樣艾琳累了的時候就可以躺一會兒。我開車去艾琳家接上我的新娘。跟艾琳的家人揮手告別后,我們就出發了。我們穿過皇后區和布魯克林區,乘輪渡前往斯坦頓島——那就是我們的浪漫郵輪之旅了,然后到市政廳登記結婚。
     
      從那時起,每個周末我都會離開普林斯頓去看艾琳。
     
      有一次我收到一個包裹,里面是一盒鉛筆——墨綠色的筆桿上有一行金色的小字,寫著:“親愛的理查德,我愛你!小笨瓜。”是艾琳寄來的(我叫她“小笨瓜”)。這很甜蜜,我也很愛她,但是鉛筆總是會被人隨手亂丟:比如跟魏格納教授討論某個定律或問題后,我就很有可能把鉛筆落在他的桌子上。如果這樣的話,那些字讓人多不好意思。
     
      那時我們并不富裕,所以我不想浪費那些鉛筆。我從浴室找了個刀片,刮掉鉛筆上的字再用。
     
      第二天早晨,我收到一封信,開頭寫著:“為什么要把鉛筆上的字刮掉?”接著是:“我愛你,你不覺得自豪嗎?”后面繼續寫道:“你為什么在乎別人怎么想?”所以我還能怎么辦?只好直接用印著字的鉛筆。
     
      不久,我被調往洛斯阿拉莫斯。項目總負責人羅伯特·奧本海默給艾琳安排了離那兒最近的一家醫院。我每個周末休息時就去看她。工作日時,我經常收到艾琳的來信。有些信會做成拼字游戲的樣子,剪開后裝進袋子寄過來。我收到的時候信上附著檢查信件的軍官寫的便條,內容多半是:“請轉告您的太太,我們沒時間玩猜謎游戲。”
     
      艾琳雖然身處小房間,心卻在全世界。我為艾琳能樂在其中而感到開心,我拿她一點辦法也沒有。
     
     。ㄈ
     
      時光流逝,艾琳的身體狀況越來越差,她的父親從老家來看她。一天,他打電話到洛斯阿拉莫斯找我,說:“你最好馬上過來。”
     
      等我見到艾琳的時候,她已非常虛弱,意識也有些模糊。她好像不知道自己身在何處,大多數時候眼睛直直地瞪著前方,偶爾看一下旁邊,呼吸困難。
     
      我出去走了走,驚訝于自己仍舊很平靜,這不像想象中最后時刻該有的情緒?赡芪以谄垓_自己。我心情低落,但并沒有感到特別悲傷,也許是因為很久以前我們就知道,這一天終會來臨。
     
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