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  • 雨枫轩原创文学网 - 纯净的绿色文学家园 !

    雨枫轩

    胡话

    时间:2019-09-28来源:本站原创 作者:思瑾 点击:
    胡话

        我上小学的时候,总是好奇那些写日记的同学会在本子上写什么。悄悄挪到他们身边,就会被灵敏地发现,摊开的本子也就被遮个严严实实。这种行为激怒了我。但我不会去抢,那是流氓的行径;也不会正面诘难“为什么不让我看”之类的话,那简直是强词夺理;而是旁若无人的在他们周围绕来绕去,大有一种“你不让我看,我也不让你写”的意味,看到他们无法从本子上移开的双臂和冷漠厌恶的注释,我的嘴角都不自觉的上扬。现在想来,感觉自己那时候像一只苍蝇,实在没什么可骄傲的。
        我有一个从小学就认识的朋友,到现在已经八九年了。她说我那时总爱嘿嘿地傻笑,比如走路的时候,闲聊的时候,躺在床上睡不着的时候,甚至上课的时候。我这才对小学的记忆突然清晰起来。我那时的确爱笑,笑得傻,笑得突然,笑得让人莫名其妙,还使他们有些受到惊吓。其实我只是想到了有趣的、难忘的往事。当我兴致勃勃地讲给别人听——大概是我不会讲故事或指不出可笑的地方在哪里——他们不理睬,只是奇怪地看我;再后来,我有了改变,给予的回应是摆摆手:“没事,只是想笑”,他们又说我是疯子。但我不是什么奇怪的疯子,我只是记起了一些难忘的趣事;可我现在记不清那些事是什么了,我只知道一定都是让人快乐、开心、幸福的简单的事,一定都是。
        童年的那点儿破事,说不说都无所谓的,既与成人世界无关紧要,说出来也毫无实用性可言。但儿童们就要说,若不用个什么引开他们注意力的话,很可能无止境地说下去,不管这话有没有用,不管别人爱不爱听。事情随年纪增长渐渐多起来,,本应话也会越多些,反而无从开口了。“嘿嘿嘿......”总让人觉得痴傻,之后我便“呵呵呵”了,这倒是有几分涵养的意味在里面,也无关乎童年的趣事。但别人说一句,我就“呵呵呵”,敷衍未免太过明显,现在改成“哈哈哈哈哈”,体贴自然,是敷衍的标志。
        你若问我真心去笑是什么样子,我答不上来,大概和敷衍没有太大差别。毕竟谎说多了,连说谎者也不知它是真是假。有人“呵呵呵”地说真话,有人能“哈哈哈哈哈”地说假话,长时间下来把自己也迷惑了。
        我想起那些写日记地同学了。原来那时他们是在日记里写真话;原来我并不像一只苍蝇,而是一只令人憎恶地害虫,啃噬了他们想要说真话的渴望。
        这是惩罚么。如今,受到报应似的,总感觉一只无形的大手将我要溜出嘴边的真话悉数夺去,在夜深人静的时候又悉数归还,叫我只说给自己听。我已很难再对人讲出真话了,所以把它记成日记,以弥补无限的假和恶。但我终究罪大恶极成习惯,连日记里都夹杂欺骗性的文字。真话假话模糊不清,毕竟我欺骗了我自己。
        又或许根本不存在什么真话假话,到头来只是我浑浑噩噩的一堆胡话而已。
    作品集思瑾 责任编辑:秋雨枫
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